I fucked up.
I did really bad today. Apart from 1l of kefir I ate 1 kaki-fruit, 7-8 figues, 1 apple, two pieces of baked potato, two baked carrots and some fish. Disaster. I hate myself for doing that.
My first dieting day comes to its end.
I went out worse than I expected. I was suposed to eat about 1-1,5 kg of apples. Instead, I ate about 2 kg, some walnuts, 2 fiegs, 4 aprocots and about half a kaki-fruit. This is way to much. I’m trying to comfort myself that none of these is forbidden for me… But still I’m disappointed.
Tomorrow I am to drink 1,5l of kefir and nothing else. Hope it gets better than I expect.
I’ve been struggling through some shit recently.
I moved from one country to another for a year. Officially, it’s for a year. But I am treying to mae out an escape plan to stay here. I have a dream and I’m following it. This is kinda a huge shit.
So I live here in a nice family with two kids. This is a next shit. The family itself isn’t that bad and they are really helping.But there are always saome ‘buts’ left. I have to look after kids for a few hours a day. Not as a babysitter but more as a sister. I have to admitted, I wasn’t fully prepared for this shit. Children are huge stress and sometimes I have to do a little more for them than I really obliged to.
All this shit brought me to another one. I’ve started eating. Oh, no. Not eating. Purging. At first it looked like an aquiantance with a new cuisine. Then it grew into compulsory overaeting. Noe it looks more like bulimia nervosa. I’m purging on food and then make myself vomit it all out. Bit by bit, I’ve started hiding when I’m eating.
I’m sick of it. Really. I know that it all comes from the stress, but it cannot go on any longer.
This is reason why I’ve started posting into this blog.
Tomorrow I’m starting a new diet. Again. It’s really hursh with medium physical activity. If I can get through with it, then I can et through with even tougher one.
Fingers are crossed. Just in case.